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The me I see through what others show me with their fearful words and behaviors is not the me I hold in my mind’s eye.
We have trouble holding these two identities together, our psychological containment fails, and we rely on defensive behavior to maintain equilibrium if we are unable to make constructive use of such feedback (which is usually not given in an easy-to-take-in way, as the other person is speaking from a position of threat).
People who are razor-sharp and calculating, surrounding others with apparent hyperawareness, can be intimidating without meaning to be, just as people who are very attractive can be.This also applies to folks who are incredibly perceptive and observant. There are some people who are leaders or are in other positions of power, who must have a peculiar, implicit sense of deprivation or neediness, often with a side of frank grandiosity, which leads them by vague interpersonal influences to be surrounded by people who will fall all over themselves in order to please them.Like vampires, they are terribly weak and vulnerable, yet powerful and alluring at the same time."The experienced mountain climber is not intimidated by a mountain — he is inspired by it.The persistent winner is not discouraged by a problem, he is challenged by it.