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The husband’s compliments are sweet, and the mom’s presents are thoughtful, but because the intended recipient doesn’t send and receive love in the same primary way, the gestures fall flat.Chapman’s book identifies five primary ways we express love.— love, which is an escape from selfishness and calculation of cost-benefit. First published in 1992, The 5 Love Languages has sold more than 8 million copies, with stronger sales each successive year as it continues to resonate with new generations of readers.The book has also been translated into 49 languages.) Finding the dominant language is key, though, and worth a bit of trial and error. ” and go down the list until you’re left with the last one you’re willing to relinquish.If your main love language is Quality Time and your partner neither spends much time with you nor touches you much, you’ll miss the companionship a lot more than the touch. Second, what does he or she complain about most often? One’s primary language seems to remain roughly the same through life, notes Chapman, first appearing around age 3 via love-me-this-way signals like “Look at what I can do, Mommy!Of course, if receiving gifts means little to you, it may be difficult for you to shower another person with presents.But Chapman reminds us that speaking a partner’s love language is an act of — what else?
To figure out another person’s primary emotional language, Chapman suggests, try a three-step approach: First, look at how your partner most often expresses love to you and others. In the big transition of the teenage years, however, the way a parent speaks the love language of a son or daughter may have to change, from hugs and trips to the ice-cream parlor to pats on the back and attendance at soccer games.
Kind words mean the world to you — getting a compliment will boost your mood all day — so you return the favor by heaping praise on your spouse at every turn. She feels truly cared for when her spouse lends a helping hand — feeding the dog, taking out the garbage, paying the bills.
Your better half, however, experiences love in a whole different light.
Chapman calls gifts “visual symbols of love,” and he emphasizes that the monetary value of the present is rarely an issue.
You can buy, find, or make something for your loved one; it’s the thoughtfulness, and the intention behind the gesture, that means the most.