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A number would recount sexual difficulties, sometimes with the news that their husbands were homosexually inclined and that they went out to gay bars.Some wives even “caught something” from their husbands. Learning to be a heterosexual is a ridiculous proposition causing much harm to all.The enforcers of this contract – rabbis, parents, educators and fellow adult students – know deep down that this agreement will never work.The stipulations, such as remaining in the closet or being celibate for life, are fanciful rejections of reality.An adherence to observable facts – and elimination of the tension between halacha and reality – was literally lifesaving: Maimonides extended -century Lithuanian sage, the Hazon Ish, explains that Maimonides was simply allowing halacha to reflect the fact that scientific discoveries, as well as human bodies, had evolved. But to what degree and in what manner would LGBTQ Jews be obligated to follow them?

Judaism is so nuclear-family oriented that being single is considered a sin, or a waste, or at best a misfortune.

The halachic reason is that gay Jews are asked to meet a virtually impossible standard of behavior.

If they violate that standard, they are either censured or thrown out of the Orthodox community.

Maimonides rules that even in cases where a person commits a cardinal sin under duress, he is “not to suffer stripes, much less the death penalty, for it was not his free will” (Principles of Faith 5:4). It does not have any release, substitute or “cure” other than a homosexual relationship.

A few LGBTQ Jews might aspire and accomplish true lifelong celibacy, but the homosexual’s constant state of ohnes clearly needs another category or description: It is complete in both duration and intensity. Its biggest proponent was the Tosafist School, the grandchildren and students of the medieval French sage Rashi.

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